Post details: Operation Closet


Permalink 11:20:44 am, Categories: Articles, 850 words   English (US)

Operation Closet

When the wife comes to you one fine day and says, “dear, I think we need a new closet for the bedroom”, the heart surges in joy. Immediate thoughts of grabbing the coat and rushing off on a mission to the nearest DIY center enters the mind before realization dawns that first must come a shower and then work. Thursday today, Saturday would be best! A whole day of fun and joy to look forwards to! “Yes dear”, you say casually, “I will get the car out on Saturday and look for something nice”.

What a shame it was not Saturday when she had told you this. That would have meant immediate action. But this way you have two whole days to plan and work on OPERATION CLOSET. Two days to think about where to search for the perfect piece in all of the hundreds of shops surrounding your town. Two whole days to dream about buying this closet, taking it back home and assembling it and afterwards proudly displaying the finished product to a proud and satisfied Wife.

Saturday seems ever so far away. Sleep becomes impossible as the day draws near and the happy thoughts of OPERATION CLOSET, the fun and the happiness that goes with building ones own furniture is soon to become reality. Ah, come on and hurry up Saturday!

Eventually the day arrives and out of bed you jump, eager to be on the road and out on the Search. Eager to return with your purchase and to be deeply involved in its construction, eager to be surrounded by the endless panels and screws and eager to see a creation come to life. Yep, it is Saturday and “happy” day. The Wife’s attempt to ruin all by suggesting that you buy an already assembled closet and using a past occasion as reason for this (when you had assembled the Kitchen Dining Table and stuck a screwdriver through your foot) are ignored and you stick by your guns. A DIY closet must be purchased as a DIY closet can fit in the car and is cheaper; a pre-assembled closet would cost more and have to be brought back home by a delivery company. “NO, DIY it will be”, you say with authority and stamp out the house on the start of your mission before the wife can lay other obstacles in your path.

As you get into the car the Wife shouts after you, “I’ll be out all day, try and get it all finished before my parents come this evening will you”?

Freedom and on the road at last. After much searching around the various shops and comparing prices you soon have the perfect unit balanced across the back of the car and are winging your way back home. Part one complete. Part two coming up.

Back at the house you gleefully bring the whole box of panels and associated bits into the bedroom, having previously made a space for it and removed the old closet out of harms way. So you have space and the various sections to be made into something usable. All that is required now are some tools and a cup of coffee. Downstairs for the toolbox, into the kitchen for the hot cup of coffee and back upstairs it is. NB: Must clean up the coffee spill on the stair carpet before the family return.

Okay, everything is in order, coffee at hand and you are all alone to enjoy life at its best. First of all you sit there just soaking up the atmosphere and considering changing jobs to that of a Test Engineer at a furniture factory, then you make your first move of laying out the essential tools in a neat row along the floor by the door. A screwdriver, a sharp knife, a hammer, a tape measure and another screwdriver all placed neatly and ready for use. Next you use the sharp knife to open up the box and smile at the sight of all that wood! Laying out the panels in order you slowly empty the box until nothing is left, sitting back and grinning from ear to ear at the sight around you, now that phase two has been completed.

But wait! Something is missing! You search around desperately for the assembly diagram, the one that should have been stuck inside the box, under the wood or in the bag of hinges and screws. It must be somewhere and you search again, looking in the car, under the wood, in the box and in the kitchen - anywhere that it might be. Calm down, you tell yourself, phone the company ask them if they have a new one or spare one or maybe it fell out at the shop. After a few phone calls’ you sit back in total despair. The lady at the shop had kindly said “have you looked in the box”? And the lady at the factory condescendingly said, “oh no, we don’t include diagrams with our latest range”.

Ieuan Dolby - [email protected]



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